Thursday, May 15, 2014

Here I am again, writing another blog post because I feel like it helps grow a little bit of creativity inside me every time I put the effort in. I really need to do this more regularly. The aim is to do it on a daily basis but obviously I’ve fallen short with that so far. I’ll make the effort to post more often though, honest.

I’ve started doing the “no fap” challenge. The idea behind this is basically that you stop masturbating for some reason. Something about self improvement, self control, increase motivation, and improvement (rather than worsening) of depression symptoms. It’s been about four days since I last smoked weed (last Sunday was the big “send off”). So far I think I’m doing pretty well. I’ve been riding my bicycle every single day without fail, my appetite is a little bit down but it’s nothing too horrendous, and I’m still chowing down enough food to maintain my weight (I think) and hopefully gain some muscle too. I went for a ride today (Because, like I said… Everyday, you know) but in addition to that ride I also did a few sets of weights and thirty sit-ups. Yeah, nothing super impressive, but it’s massive progress for me none the less. So in a sense, it is super impressive.

Either way, I’m feeling pretty good about myself. I also cleaned the biggest mountain of dishes this side of the world has ever seen. Seriously, I reckon I set some sort of record with that this evening.

I’m planning on selling my Xbox 360 games sometime this week if I can be bothered. I know I won’t get much for them but it’s just something I have to do. I’ve wasted too much of my life on stupid shit like porn, hentai, video games and of course the ever so seductive Mary Jane, and it’s time for me to put all that shit behind me and make positive forward strides in my life. 

I’m head over heels for a woman that lives in a different state. I’ve known her for years, and after a recent meeting with her I can’t stop thinking about her. I was a total asshole though, got completely sloshed and fucked up on drugs, and pretty much ruined any chances with her in the near future. Not that I had much of a chance in the beginning anyway: I’m unfit (Well, that’s changing), my physique is pretty bad after years of sedentary living and undiscriminating drug and alcohol abuse (Also on the verge of changing…), not to mention I’m fucked up from Antidepressants and deep underlying depression and unhappiness in my life anyway (But again, this is changing), plus I’m a dropout with poor future prospects as things currently stand – but this too is something I’m determined to change!

Either way, being love struck is both invigorating and a major pain in the ass. Especially when through a simple facebook snoop around I can see she’s pursuing other men that have miles more going for them *cough* Law School *cough*. Yeah, I’m way out of my league here.

 

Sunday, May 11, 2014

Just took a bunch of codeine pills. My head has been pounding for the past couple days, probably overdid things Thursday night. I think the codeine pills are just making things worse with rebound headaches galore.

Thursday night was all over the place. I took a lot of speed that night – and as anyone who has taken speed before knows, it does much more than give you energy, make you invincible, and start a motor in your mouth: It makes you a drinking god! I went well past what would normally be my tolerable limits, but because of the amphetamines overriding the alcohol I pushed through it.

I found myself sitting on a bench at the end of the night chain smoking cigarettes and talking to a guy who came up and sat next to me while I was sitting on the bench. I spoke with him for a bit over an hour touting the virtues of communism and talking about how women should go back to acting like 1950’s housewives… Yeah. What. The. Fuck? I know. Needless to say, I think that’s the last time I’m going to get fucked up on speed, I really don’t like the way it made me act and “think” while I was on it. Not to mention, I was so fucked up and “friendly” on it that I probably mistook a gay dude trying to pick me up for a friendly conversation – because you know, friendly conversations with strangers always go for well over an hour.

God damn. I am one fucked up dude.

The night ended with me giving the rest of my money to a Jamaican busker who played a song for me on his five string guitar with just four strings because someone had broken it that night. I gave him a cigarette and fifteen dollars – he seemed pretty stoked about that. That said, so was I. Maybe even more stoked than him. Speed does that. Also, alcohol. Lots and lots of alcohol.

I also tried and failed to pick up a few women that night. Yeah, let’s not go there…

Until next time,

Adios!